• Miscellaneous Facts About Children, Adoption, and Abuse
  
  
• Holiday Season May Cause Parental Stress
  
  
• Parents´ Survival Tips
  
  
• Poison-Proof Your Home
  
  
• Understanding Your 8-16 Year-Old
  
  
• Glossary of Terms
  
  

FACTS ABOUT CHILD ABUSE
From: http://www.preventchildabusenc.org/

Every five minutes...

• …a child is abused or neglected in North Carolina
• In about half of the cases, these children understand abuse before they learn to read.
• 25-40 children die each year in North Carolina as a result of abuse.
• Almost all criminals report having been abused as children.
• More than 100,000 children are reported to authorities each year in our state.
• 85% of the time the perpetrator of child abuse and neglect is a biological parent.
• Parents who were abused as children are six times more likely to abuse their own kids.
• Abuse and neglect do not discriminate by social, economic, or ethnic background.

Current North Carolina Statistics

• 107,218 children* were reported as abused and neglected (SFY 2001-2002).
• 32,883 of these children were confirmed as victims.
• 24 children died from child abuse during the 2001 calendar year.

Prior Year Statistics

• 101,158* children were reported as abused and neglected (SFY 2000-2001).
• 32,581 of these children were confirmed as victims.
• 30 children died from child abuse homicide during the 2000 calendar year.
• In North Carolina, the number of children reported as abused and neglected has increased by approximately 10% each year for the past three years. Abuse or neglect is confirmed in about one-third of cases in any given fiscal year. Most confirmed reports are classified as neglect. Data provided by the North Carolina Department of Human Resources, Division of Social Services, Central Registry Reports on Child Abuse, Neglect and Dependency.

National Statistics

• In 2000, approximately 5 million children were reported for child abuse and neglect to child protective service agencies in the United States.
• Currently about 47 out of every 1000 children are reported as victims of child maltreatment.
• Child abuse cuts across all socio-economic groups, races, and religions.
• Most people who abuse or neglect their children are ordinary people whose stressors overwhelm their coping skills.
• Substance abuse, lack of knowledge of child development, single parenting, isolation, poverty, a history of domestic violence, and many other factors contribute to the likelihood that a child will be abused.
• Children who are abused are at a higher risk for crime, substance abuse, dropping out, teen pregnancy, and a host of other social ills.
  

For more information, please call Prevent Child Abuse North Carolina at 1-800-CHILDREN.

Data is provided by the North Carolina Department of Human Resources, Division of Social Services, Central Registry Reports on Child Abuse, Neglect and Dependency. Data reflected is for state fiscal year 2001-2002, unless otherwise specified. *The total number of reported children represents unduplicated counts of children.

December 1, 2001 - The holiday season is here! People are rushing to finish shopping, cooking, cleaning and decorating. Our calendars are full of social events, and sometimes we try to do too much. A poll in a recent issue of Parenting Magazine found that “more than a quarter of the population views Christmas and Hanukkah as stressful.” Over-extending ourselves causes stress, and stress can increase the risk that we will abuse our children.

When holiday stress is added to everyday stress, it’s easy to take it out on your kids. Abuse takes many forms, and its effects can last a lifetime. Harsh physical punishment, constant criticism and belittling, neglecting children’s basic needs, even isolated incidences of rejection or humiliation can damage a child. Keep in mind that holiday excitement can be stressful for kids as well as parents.

Put the following “Holiday Stress Prevention Tips” into action to make the holiday season more enjoyable for the entire family.

• KEEP KIDS ON SCHEDULE: Meals, naps, and bedtime should occur at approximately the same time each day. Well-fed and rested children are more pleasant and cooperative than hungry, tired kids. Schedule shopping trips and outings for the time of day that you and your children feel the most energetic. Bring snacks to eat while you’re away from home, as well as a bag of tricks -- include coloring books, storybooks, playdough, puzzles, and their favorite videotape.
  
  
• INVOLVE YOUR CHILD IN HOLIDAY PREPARATIONS: Encourage your children to help with shopping, baking, and gift-wrapping. At the store, discuss colors and shapes, or play guessing games. Let your kids pour and stir ingredients for cookies, make holiday cards, and put bows on presents. Kids feel important when adults encourage them to help. As kids help with holiday activities, they learn how to carry on family traditions.
  
  
• RESIST FEELING GUILTY: The holiday season is a difficult time financially for many parents. Parents have to keep up with monthly bills and buy holiday gifts. Try not to feel guilty if you are unable to meet the commercial demands of the holidays. Spending beyond your means will only increase stress when the credit card bills come in, so keep in mind that great gifts don’t have to be expensive. Take advantage of free events like the school pageant or church holiday party.
  
  
• SHARE YOURSELF WITH YOUR KIDS: You may not be able to give your kids all the material things they want, but you can give of yourself. Plan a special activity for just you and your children. Go on an indoor picnic. Make cookies or paper ornaments. If you have more than one child, set aside a special time to spend with each one.
  
  
• SET RULES AND STICK TO THEM: Discuss rules with your children and seek their input. Keep rules simple and few in number, and post them in a prominent place (like the refrigerator). Share with children the positive consequences for following rules and the negative consequences for breaking them. Be consistent in applying your rules for acceptable behavior. Children, like adults, respond best to praise, positive reinforcement, and rewards. Rewards may be tangible (stickers, trip to a restaurant) or intangible (extra playtime).
  
  
• PREPARING FOR NEW EXPERIENCES: The holidays are a time of fun events and new experiences. Children may feel stress during new activities and may express their fears through anger or misbehavior. Talk with your children beforehand about visiting Santa, attending a party, relatives coming to visit, or participating in the school play. Ask them how they feel about different activities, and answer any questions they have.
  
  
• REINFORCE GOOD BEHAVIOR: Praise encourages healthy self-esteem. Children need praise to learn appropriate behavior, so “catch” your children being good as often as possible. Reward good behavior by giving special privileges such as having a friend over for a play date. Give verbal praise, hugs, and lots of kisses. You can also give material rewards like stickers, gum, and toys to reinforce good behavior.
  
  
• KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT FROM YOUR CHILD: Learn about child development--what children are typically capable of at each stage of growth--so that your expectations for behavior are suitable. Unrealistic expectations cause stress for both you and your children and may damage your relationship. Read books on parenting and child development, talk to other parents and your doctor, and take a parenting class. It’s comforting to know that other parents experience similar difficulties with potty training, teaching the concept of sharing, dealing with teenage mood swings, and many other aspects of child-rearing.
  
  
• WHEN YOU FEEL STRESSED, TAKE TIME OUT: Put the child in a safe place such as the crib, playpen, or a childproof room. Count to ten. Take deep breaths. Think about the causes of your anger. Direct your anger at something other than your child. You can hit a pillow, take a shower, exercise, or call a friend. Ask a neighbor or relative to baby-sit.
  
  
• TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF: Pay attention to your own needs. Everyone functions better with adequate sleep, food, and recreation. Take the time to do something just for you: take a walk or a nap, listen to music, get a massage, take a class, or join a gym.

DOWNLOAD PDF VERSION

Call Prevent Child Abuse North Carolina if you need to talk about holiday stress, would like FREE parenting information, are concerned about a child, or would like to get involved in child abuse prevention in your community. 1-800-CHILDREN.

PARENTS´ SURVIVAL TIPS
From: http://www.preventchildabusenc.org/

Welcome to the world of parenthood!

Why didn't people tell you there would be days when you would feel:

• old before your time
• tired before 11 AM
• too upset to think straight

Would you have believed them if they had?

Parenting is challenging for everyone, and we all need information and support during each stage of a child's growth to do the best job we can. So take a few minutes and read about how to make the rewards of parenting equal to the demands.

Birth to One Year

Learn the basics. How do you bathe a baby? Change a diaper? You can learn. Read, ask your doctor or another expert, talk to your parents and other parents.

Love your baby. Give all you've got! Talk to your baby, touch, hold, hug, kiss, smile, and enjoy! It's impossible to spoil a baby! A baby is a tiny work in progress, and it's important that your baby's early experiences are as positive as you can make them.

Discover what's what. Pay close attention to all the sounds (cooing, babbling, gurgling, and crying) that your baby makes, as well as facial expressions and body movements. Each one means something different. This is how your baby talks to you.

Always handle your baby with love and gentleness. The pressures of parenting are tremendous. It's difficult to feel patient and loving when the baby wakes you up for the third time in one night, and you have to go to work the next day. All parents need ways to relax. Don't take out your stress on your baby. Your baby is too little to understand your needs.

Toddlerhood

Take a deep breath. The assault on your house, your personal belongings . . . this, too, shall pass. Everything is new and exciting to your toddler, and your toddler needs to explore to learn.

Childproof your house. Pack away your treasures, and lock up any dangerous or poisonous items. You'll breathe a lot easier and you won't have to say "NO" as often.

Keep the rules simple and few. Kids this age can't grasp complicated rules. Your goal is to keep your toddler safe. Table manners and potty training can wait!

School Age

Show your interest. Check homework, talk about what's happening at school, let your child have friends over, and visit your child's teacher.

Talk and listen to your child.

Let kids help with age-appropriate tasks and chores.

Adolescence

Refuse to get confused. Part of growing up is acting like a two-year-old and an adult all in the same afternoon. Expect your teen to do this, and be prepared to comfort, reassure, and on occasion, look the other way.

Face the facts. Your teen will probably say "I know that" when you talk about the facts of life, but do it anyway. As the parent, you're the only one who can share the values that go with the facts.

Let your affection show. Cool the physical demonstration (especially in front of their friends), but make it loud and clear through your words and your actions that you care.

Cut those apron strings. Values that are taught from the cradle may fade away during the teen years, but they'll come back--along with grown-up children you'll be proud to know. Trust your teen to make it all the way.

Discipline

Children need discipline. Effective discipline teaches children how to avoid repeating misbehaviors and what to do instead. Spanking is physical punishment, not discipline. There are many positive forms of discipline that are more effective than spanking. A few examples of positive discipline are: using time out, establishing rules and consequences for behavior, redirecting inappropriate behavior, ignoring annoying behaviors that are not harmful to the child or others, taking away privileges, and catching your child being good whenever possible.

Discipline techniques should be appropriate to the age of the child. See the parenting section of your local book store or public library for information on child development and age-appropriate positive discipline technqiues.

Babies are never candidates for discipline or physical punishment. They're too little to understand and follow rules. They are also easily injured; never shake or hit a baby.

Like adults, children respond better to approval and affection than they do to punishment.

Children depend on you to provide structure: regular meal times, play times, and bedtimes.

Examine your expectations for your kids. There are no perfect children, just as there are no perfect parents. Parents commonly have expectations for children that are beyond their capabilities at that age. If your children consistently fail to meet your expectations, the expectations probably need changing, not the children.

Shame, rejection, withdrawal of affection, or preferential treatment of one child over another are inappropriate and ineffective ways to discipline.

Learn more about effective discipline...

If you need help . . .

Asking for help is a sign of strength. Call Prevent Child Abuse North Carolina at 1-800-CHILDREN if you feel overwhelmed. We'll put you in touch with someone who can offer support and help. Or contact your:

• Family Physician or Pediatrician
• Mental Health Center
• Health Department

If you know a parent in need . . .

• Give him or her a break. Offer to take care of the kids for a while.
• Be a good listener. Make yourself available to listen without judging.
• Encourage the parent to join a parenting support group to receive support and information. Give the parent our number to call for a referral.

DOWNLOAD PDF VERSION

POISON-PROOF YOUR HOME

This list is provided on behalf of the North Carolina Pediatric Poison Prevention Project, which recently kicked off a yearlong campaign under the theme “Stop Childhood Poisoning…Because You Can.”

Use this checklist to poison-proof your home and "Stop Childhood Poisoning ....Because You Can."

Kitchen

• No household products, such as cleaning and dishwashing products and drain cleaners, under the sink.
• No medicines on counters or in open areas.
• All medications out of reach and out of sight.
• Child safety latches on all drawers or cabinets containing harmful products or sharp objects.
• No toxic products stored with food or in food containers.

Bathroom

• All medications, cosmetics, hair care products, mouthwash, and cleaners out of reach.
• Medicine storage area cleaned out regularly, old medicines flushed down the toilet.
• All medications in original, child-resistant containers.

Bedroom

• No medicines in or on dresser or bedside table.
• All cologne, aftershave, cosmetics, and powders out of reach.

Laundry Area

• All bleaches, soaps, detergents, fabric softeners, and sprays out of reach.
• All products in their original containers.

Garage/Basement

• Insect sprays and lawn care products in locked area.
• Gasoline and car care products in secured area or locked trunk.
• Paint, paint cleaners, and other home-care products in locked area.
• All products in their original containers.

General Household

• Storage area for medication and other products is a locked cabinet located up high.
• Plants identified and out of reach.
• Alcoholic beverages out of reach.
• Ashtrays empty and out of reach.
• Paint in good condition – no chipping or peeling.
• No mouse baits in areas where children play.

In case of poisoning, call the Carolinas Poison Center at 1-800-848-6946.

DOWNLOAD PDF VERSION

UNDERSTANDING A CHILD 8-16 YEARS OLD

The Eight Year Old

Physically

• growing slowly, steadily, arms are lengthening, hands are enlarging
• sometimes awkward because of uneven growth
• improved muscular coordination but still has better control over large muscles than small
• developmentally ready to see both far and near
• energetic but tires easily
• restless and fidgety

Emotionally

• very eager, has more enthusiasm than wisdom
• self-critical, is maturing in capacity for self-evaluation
• wants prestige, may seek it through boasting
• needs much praise and encouragement
• likes to giggle, does so without much provocation
• wants to be good
• may have fears

As a Learner

• more independent in reading ability; begins to read faster silently than orally
• has made gains in vocabulary, sentence structure
• can learn by rote, but learns best through activity
• becoming more interested in people of long ago and far away
• fond of comics, radio, television, adventure stories, fairy tales, singing rhythms, collections of all kinds
• likes variety in school
• likes jokes, riddles
• becoming aware of detail
• can initiate, plan activities

With Others

• likes to talk
• wants to look like others
• likes to argue
• behaves in contradictory ways, such as fighting with best friend
• dislikes being told what to; prefers subtle hints
• able to accept some responsibility
• likes to be with people
• desires approval of peers, adults
• desires to be a part of the group

The Nine Year Old

Physically

• eyes are now ready for close, detailed work
• has good eye-hand coordination; is ready for crafts, shop work, maps, other detailed work
• uses both large and small body muscles
• tends to assume awkward body postures

Emotionally

• becomes irritable, exhausted from working or playing too hard
• strives to improve skills; has spirit of competition
• makes extreme, quick emotional shifts; can swing from play to aggression from humor to hostility
• worries about health, schoolwork, report cards, failure
• annoying by small details of living, such as keeping track of belongings, being neat
• embarrasses easily

As A Learner

• desires to build body of knowledge about such things as social studies, science, sports records, television
• notices life sequence, studies people for evidence of change
• observes, thinks critically of self and world
• finds pleasure in using own skills; in reading for information, writing to communicate own ideas, organizing to improve own work
• discriminates between meanings of words
• becoming more creative in thought, written language
• compares grades with classmates; blames own poor scholarship on outside factors
• prefers reading silently for pleasure, orally for information
• often forgets to bring books, supplies from home
• prefers individual instruction from teacher
• plans activities in detail
• enjoys written work

With Others

• stresses fair play within competition; judges teachers, friends accordingly
• desires information about family background
• doesn’t stay long with any activity
• engages in more giggling, whispering, secretive conversations
• enjoys games as spectator as well as participant
• evaluates self, others by own standards; ignores adult opinions
• likes to help friends
• is rowdy and polite

The Ten Year Old

Physically

• has boundless energy
• shows increased skill in eye-hand coordination
• likes games requiring a variety of skills
• displays uneven growth of different body parts
• tires easily and is awkward and restless, due to rapid, uneven growth

Emotionally

• responds very positively with praise
• sometimes overly critical, changeable, uncooperative
• resents being nagged, condemned, talked down to
• wants security that comes from increased ability to achieve
• growing in ability to accept consequences of own mistakes
• more interested, concerned about ideas and beliefs of others than of self

As A Learner

• has broadening interests
• eager to explore
• wants to improve own ability
• enjoys realistic and factual material in books
• likes to take part in discussion
• is beginning to understand sequencing in historical events
• develops realistic sense of own strength and weaknesses
• curious about how things work
• has increasing attention span
• likes adventure

With Others

• becoming increasingly independent
• tends toward hero worship
• has strong sense of justice and honor
• interested in gangs or clubs with secret words, codes
• engages in roughhousing, pointless laughter, practical jokes, silly antics
• responds readily to affection and humor from adults
• tends to rebel at suggestions from adults
• likes games in which girls play against boys
• likes group activities
• is fundamentally honest

The 11-13 Year Olds

Characteristics

• enormous and capricious appetite
• wide range of individual difference in maturity levels, both physically and emotionally
• awkwardness, restlessness, and laziness as a result of rapid and uneven growth, self-conscious of physical changes
• opinion of peer group becomes more valuable than that of most adults
• often becomes overly critical, changeable, rebellious, uncooperative and boisterous
• interest in earning money, recognition of material value

Needs

• good nutrition, nutritional guidance
• understand of the on-coming physical and emotional changes
• warmth, affection and sense of humor from adults, not nagging, condemnation, or talking down
• chances to carry responsibility without pressure

Suggested Actions

• understand the connection between behavior and physical needs, consider this when planning outings
• give frank, matter-of-fact answers to question about physical changes and the different rates at which they occur
• be accepting of different physical states and emotional changes, give frank answers to questions
• offer alternative opinions without being insistent, be positive in feedback and accepting of differing positions.

The 13-16 Year Olds

Characteristics

• testing limits, “know it all” attitude
• vulnerable, emotionally insecure, fear of rejection, mood swings
• identification with admired adult
• bodies are going through physical changes that affect personal appearance.

Needs

• independence with guidance, allowed to make decisions
• acceptance, recognition
• non-threatening adult guidance
• understanding of sexual relationships and attitudes

Suggested Actions

• give the child choices, don’t be afraid to confront inappropriate behavior
• use humor to relax child, be patient, give positive feedback, let child know celebration is for him/her and not for accomplishments
• be available, be yourself, show weakness, strengths and emotions
• be honest with child, disclose information about self to build trust.

DOWNLOAD PDF VERSION

Information Provided By:
    Durham Public Schools Partnership Program,
   Volunteer News,
   Spotlight on Education,
   Summer 1999

GLOSSARY OF TERMS

GUIDING BEHAVIOR - he act of managing or directing another's course in reference to the personal conduct.

BEHAVE - To conduct oneself in a particular manner & esp. In a proper way

BEHAVIOR - Way of behaving, esp. Personal conduct.

CONSEQUENCES - Result; outcome

DISCIPLINE - To train or develop by instruction and exercise. Especially in self-control (punishment); training that corrects, molds, or perfects.

PUNISH - To impose a penalty for a fault or crime;

REVENGE - An act or instance of retaliation to get even; an opportunity for getting satisfaction.

SELF- CONCEPT - Personal interest in one's self

SPANK - To hit on the buttocks with the open hand. Spanking - brisk, lively

ULTIMATUM - A final condition or demand whose result will bring about a resort to forceful action.