Communication With Minors

 

EIGHT SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVING YOUR COMMUNICATION WITH YOUR CHILDREN  

  1. Use good sending skills.

  2. Use good listening skills.

  3. If your child is bothering you, explain that.

  4. If your child has a problem, you need to listen.

  5. Ordering or threatening blocks communication.

  6. Try not to deny your child's feelings.

  7. Avoid judging, criticizing, blaming, shaming, ridiculing, or name-calling.

  8. Listen to your child with the same respect with which you'd listen to your friend, your co-worker, or even your boss.
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PRAISE HELPS KIDS WITH SCHOOLWORK
NCCU study

More praise from parents and teachers would mo­tivate children to complete school assignments more regularly, according to a recent study by a group of N.C. Central University graduate students.

About 40 students from the university's School of Education spent four months interviewing 1,063 chil­dren from the Piedmont region. They found children by far preferred verbal recognition to tangible rewards.

"That was unexpected," said Professor Pamela Gale George, who guided the study. "The most pro­vocative piece of this was that these kids are yearning for acknowledgment."

The researchers asked children ages 8 to 17 about the rewards they receive at home and at school for completing their class assignments and homework, as well as the kinds of rewards they would like if they had a choice.

They say their findings call for parents and teach­ers to better monitor whether work gets done; and to affirm its role in getting a good education.

For the questions about home, 60 percent of stu­dents said they received no rewards. Twenty percent said they were allowed play time, and 15 percent said they got regular praise from a parent. Fifty-nine per­cent said they primarily want praise from a parent.

These figures include younger children, although their second preference was for something more tan­gible, such as a snack.

With regard to school, 40 percent of the children reported they received no rewards. Fifteen percent re­ported getting teacher praise, 19 percent cited better grades and 9 percent received free time. Eighty-three percent of the children said they most valued public praise, particularly at the middle and high school level.

The study noted that many of the graduate stu­dents were surprised the children rarely saw a connec­tion between turning work in on time and earning good grades.

Professor George said schools such as Durham's Carrington Middle and Southwest Elementary, which post impressive test scores on large boards in the halls, make the connection more clear and help children feel valuable in the meantime.

Children may fail one test then make it on the board for their performance on another, so recognition isn't solely reserved for honor-roll students.

"It pays big dividends," said former Carrington Principal Nancy Hester, who helped come up with the idea. "But I'm not surprised. I like to be highlighted, and if it works for adults, it should work for children."

The study also found that girls are more likely mo­tivated by rewards involving social activities, while boys prefer independent library visits and computer time.

The researchers interviewed about the same num­ber of black and white students.

Spotlight on Education, Fall 1998
-Robin L. Reale, The Herald-Sun

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GLOSSARY OF TERMS

GUIDING BEHAVIOR - he act of managing or directing another's course in reference to the personal conduct.

BEHAVE - To conduct oneself in a particular manner & esp. In a proper way

BEHAVIOR - Way of behaving, esp. Personal conduct.

CONSEQUENCES - Result; outcome

DISCIPLINE - To train or develop by instruction and exercise. Especially in self-control (punishment); training that corrects, molds, or perfects.

PUNISH - To impose a penalty for a fault or crime;

REVENGE - An act or instance of retaliation to get even; an opportunity for getting satisfaction.

SELF- CONCEPT - Personal interest in one's self

SPANK - To hit on the buttocks with the open hand. Spanking - brisk, lively

ULTIMATUM - A final condition or demand whose result will bring about a resort to forceful action.

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12 ALTERNATIVES TO LASHING OUT AT YOUR CHILD

The next time everyday pressures build up to the point where you feel like lashing out – STOP! And try any of these simple alternatives.

You'll feel better ... and so will your child.

  1. Take a deep breath. And another. Then remember you are the adult ...

  2. Close your eyes and imagine you're hearing what your child is about to hear.

  3. Press your lips together and count to 10. Or better yet, to 20.

  4. Put your child in a time-out chair. (Remember the rule: one time-out minute for each year of age.)

  5. Put yourself in a time-out chair. Think about why you are angry: is it your child, or is your child simply a convenient target for your anger?

  6. Phone a friend.

  7. If someone can watch the children, go outside and take a walk.

  8. Take a hot bath or splash cold water on your face.

  9. Hug a pillow.

  10. Turn on some music. Maybe even sing along.

  11. Pick up a pencil and write down as many helpful words as you can think of. Save the list.

  12. Write for parenting information: Parenting, Box 2866, Chicago, IL 60690.

CHILD ABUSE PREVENTION CAMPAIGN
MAGAZINE AD NO. CA-2835-90-7" x 10"
Volunteer Agency: Lintas: Cambell-Ewald. Campaign Director: Beth M. Pritchard. S.C. Johnson & Son. Inc.

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